I Forgot

I forgot where the camera was and that I hadn't downloaded the pictures lately.

This is the new cute thing that Becka does. She is so funny. She did it a lot last week, not as much this week. She likes to make the mmmmmm sound now as well. She is just growing up.

Oh Dear!

Preface: This is my blog and I can say what I want too.

For the past 6 months I have had no desire to EVER have another child. Poor Caleb has just waited it out and said basically nothing (as you know it takes a lot for Caleb to be quiet). I honestly hated the first 3 months after Rebecka was born. It was constant crying, either from her or me. The problems with nursing did nothing to help out at all.

But alas the past few weeks I have had a hunger. The desire to be pregnant has hit me. I don't want another baby yet, but REALLY want to be prego. I know they kinda go hand in hand. I owe this new feeling to Kayce. She is so excited about her Doula books and want to talk about it. The guys want nothing to do with it and I love to hear everything. (So, Kayce, you have a fan in me.) She lent me her book, "Birthing From Within". I am only a little ways into it, but it is making me SO want the 'glow' back. I loved being pregnant. I had a great pregnancy. I felt pretty and wonderful. What am I to do?

I have yet to get my monthly visitor back and have been so nervous as to why. I know if you nurse you don't get your menstruation back as soon. But come on! I've been pumping only 3 times a day! It's not as much as every two hours at all, so I think that I should have had the curse back already. (Not that I miss it but it's kinda nice knowing if you are going to reproduce!)

To ease our minds I finally broke down and bought a pregnancy test. And for some reason I only trust Clear Blue. (I think it is their commercials. It's good advertising)
So at the moment thankfully I am not in the family way.

Take what you may from this, but I now feel better for say it.

LIFE

What is it about a near death experience that makes the next day so wonderful? Why do you need to almost die to be able to re-evaluate your life and use it to get out of a spiritual funk?

Okay, so I know that the reason I am still alive is that I still have more to do on earth. I am just so glad that I was able to see my Caleb again and wake up next to him for one more day. Life is such a blessing!

I bet you are wondering how I about killed myself and my baby, huh? Well if you hold on I will tell you.

It was a dark, cold, frozen night. The night of February 12, 2009. (Last night) I was driving to pick Caleb up from his astronomy lab at the observatory out in the boonies, at about 10:30. The temperature had dropped and the roads had become a slick death trap. I was going under the speed limit quite a bit but pick up a little more speed than I liked, when I came down a small hill. The road was curving and I didn't like how fast I was going on such a nasty road. I tapped the brakes gently and then all hell broke loose. I started to go across the road sideways. I corrected and got back the right way but hit another slick spot. I spun around until I was facing the way I was coming. I slid off the road and kept turning. I'll I could see was a poof of snow as I came to a rest, facing 360* from where I was.
It happened so fast and yet so slow. It almost was like third person. I am so glad that nothing really bad happened. I am so proud of myself, I only swore once and it was just a whisper. I am so blessed that no one was on the road at that time. I am so lucky that my baby slept through it. I am so grateful to be able to write about this, because this means I am alive and able to see my loved ones again.

You all most likely think that I am taking this a bit far and need to calm down, 'it was only a little sliding'. But to me it was scary and made me realize, again, how wonderful life is.

I hope you all make your days beautiful!